On Grief

The most tragic moment for me is to receive messages about my dad’s passing from my relative after I woke up.

Along with my mum’s missed calls.

When I called her, she was freaked out.

These memories are deep imprinted in me where I would have fear of receiving calls from someone I loved.

When I received the news, I experienced a huge denial, not wanting to wake up and face the moment, wishing it was just a bad dream.

Then, there was a rising of huge anger and frustration about the situation as my flights were few hours away to go.

I was mad at my dad for leaving before I return home.

Grief is always here within me.

After 1 year and 5 months, my mum and I picked up a new habit.

We would walk every morning in the nature.

We took better care of our body by paying attention to what we eat.

We decluttered many things from home.

Now grief comes on and off but it is manageable.

A UNIQUE PROCESS TO US ALL

Grief is a process from the beginning, to middle and to an end.

It is a yearning and desire to have someone or something back.

The level of impact and the period of the grief depends on how close we are to somebody.

Everyone is going through grief in our own unique sequence.

Kubler Ross stated a sequence of grief started from denial to anger to barganing, depression and acceptance.

How we show up to it depends individually.

THE YEARNING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE

If you can go back to the past or future, which would you choose?

I would choose present moment with a short visit to an alternative or parallel reality (world) where I can witness my dad presence with us.

It would be good if I could witness another me ended up married with my first boyfriend.

These are something I wish to witness which could not happen here.

ACCEPTING WHAT IS NOW

Here is a message for those who are grieving.

You are not leaving them behind, they are always apart of you.

“The snake shed its old skin to breath better and live better. “

TURN GRIEF INTO ART

Give yourself permission to fall apart and then rebuild.

Give yourself permission to create the life you have always wanted.

TAKE DAILY WALK IN NATURE

Physical activity under the natural sunlight helps where you can turn to the trees, grass, earth or animals to co-regulate your emotions.

Sunlight releases serotonin (the content hormone) in your brain.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY- FEEL & EXPRESS

Tears contain stress hormones and other toxins, and crying can help let these out of the body.

Shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins which makes you feel good.

A Short Sharing On Youtube

You are not alone.

Hugs,

Vic QI Pan