Conflict Within & In Relationship

Can you resonate with this – where you would do your best to run away from conflict or numb yourself from facing the issue?

I did that multiple times as I am used to avoid conflict or potential issue that might harm others, thus not speaking out.

How can I shift from feeling pain, shame and lost to empowered state of being? So that I can choose love instead of being one underdog or one bully. And take it as an opportunity to know myself better.

#whathaveilearned

End the conflict within self and use it to be conscious.

First, when I avoided conflict (eg: not speak out) so that I do not hurt others, I learned that, I am telling myself this:” I am not emotionally safe with myself as I do not honour and compromising myself to not hurt others or just to keep them feel happy.” *Ouch*

Second, I learned to face it as it is, cause it is unavoidable in life! When I avoid conflict, I am also hurting people by misrepresenting myself. (Ps: This question might help, “if there’s going to be discomfort either way, is avoiding the conflict worth it?”) What would be so bad about upsetting someone? Hmm..

Third, I learned that I have the ability to feel emotionally safer and “repair” the relationship. How? By sharing my authentic truth and feelings – say sharing “why am I feeling so scared now?”

IT’S OKAY TO WANT EMOTIONAL SAFETY.

Before confronting, I find that emotional safety is EFFING crucial for me. So, I would prep myself with things or invisible love bubble to make me feel emotionally safer. Either by telling myself: “I am safe, I am safe, I am safe” or grab something that makes me feel safer- my Patrick.

For you: What would make you feel emotionally safe to face this conflict?

If it’s between two parties, this works for me. Take turn to express each other’s whole truth from start to finish. When one express, one listen fully. Share what you are feeling and why feeling so. Meanwhile, let’s allow each other to fully experience the emotions for their need unconditionally. Everyone has a valid perspective, so being right or wrong doesn’t really matter. All we want is just to be seen, heard, felt and love, isn’t? I trust that we all can do that.

Watch the video here:

Big Hugs and love 😘

Abbhya